It feels like a lifetime since I last wrote here. It has been such a curious year, the last twelve months seem like a dream and I don’t even know which rabbit hole Spring fell down but it seems like only yesterday that I watched the peach blossoms bloom in the garden and marvelled at the first balmy night I could wear a dress and Doc Martens out after sunset.
For a little while, things seemed to be going down the wrong yellow-brick-road. But I am now realising that there is no right or wrong road, there is no ticking clock and there is no calibre living in a land where there is constant triumph. If anything, the victory is in the obstacles you overcame, however cosmic or compact. For me, courage and confidence is still something that seems to come in bursts, and needs consistent coaxing from my consciousness ( “you got this girl, go on, it’s okay, i pinky swear” ).
While I’m writing this it doesn’t seem so hard. It never does if you’re dreaming when you should be doing, but sometimes there’s comfort within your best intentions. Isn’t it true that the bigger half of the fun lies in the pursuit rather than the possession? FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME, AFIFA-IN-THE-SKY, do not forget to count your blessings and overlook the things that you love most about la vie. You will have a future full of take offs and landings forever, coffees and coconut water, passport stamps, rosehip oil, summer nights, overcoats, cigarettes and the opportunity to cross paths with all sorts of special and interesting individuals.
I know, I know, life is a labyrinth and for all its complexity and for all its magic, I’m still not sure if I’m very good at nagivating this infinite jungle of lessons and love. But for whatever it’s worth ( “if you knew how much these moments mean to me” ), I can only set intentions to be better and better every single day. I want to love more, quell my road rage and see the sea as often as I can. There is no such thing as “should have”, there is only will and bravery and the world is yours.
P.S. twentysixteen resolutions to come, I swear, this has always been one of my favourite times of the year.