It feels like it's all evolving ; my-self and my alter-ego. For the first time in my life I feel like a solid single entity, I feel like I can truly co-exist with all of my thoughts. to all the lovers in my heart, I still adore you to the (full) moon and back and a billion times over but right here in this moment, I think I will keep all the love locked up inside my heart and in my head. There is gold in this silence, I promise. I just need a minute (or a million) to collect and consolidate these notions and possibilities of my interconnectedness with the rest of the world and how I can make it work. I have always preferred solitude over superficiality and magic over mediocre. I would rather have nothing than normal and that's on me. Lately I have learned to shift the blame into oblivion, it's nobody's fault if I over-love and over-feel and under-everything else to balance it all out. not everybody is entitled to a happy ending and I have come to terms with a potential future full of uncertainty and heartache and misunderstanding. It's okay, I pinky swear. We'll all be okay.
Maybe I will look forever for a rabbit hole, maybe my auto-response to confusion will be to refrain from it all :: from physical and emotional nutriment, does that make any sense? It is so difficult to imagine that I deserve love and nourishment like the rest of the world. I think that's why I do it :: the only reaction is to abstain and avoid. so I don't feel any antipathy for your confusion or avoidance because it's on me. I will carry that forever - but you know, all I really want for you to remember me by, is that you felt entirely comfortable saying anything in the world in my presence, knowing that I would never -in a hundred thousand years- judge you or anybody else for feeling, for being, for wanting, for needing, for thinking, for remembering or for forgetting. I love you so much.
xo, A.
"Are we all designed to be confined?
Organise our lives and lose the key
Our faces all resemble dying roses
We've got to break it before it breaks us." - Metric
Maybe I will look forever for a rabbit hole, maybe my auto-response to confusion will be to refrain from it all :: from physical and emotional nutriment, does that make any sense? It is so difficult to imagine that I deserve love and nourishment like the rest of the world. I think that's why I do it :: the only reaction is to abstain and avoid. so I don't feel any antipathy for your confusion or avoidance because it's on me. I will carry that forever - but you know, all I really want for you to remember me by, is that you felt entirely comfortable saying anything in the world in my presence, knowing that I would never -in a hundred thousand years- judge you or anybody else for feeling, for being, for wanting, for needing, for thinking, for remembering or for forgetting. I love you so much.
xo, A.
"Are we all designed to be confined?
Organise our lives and lose the key
Our faces all resemble dying roses
We've got to break it before it breaks us." - Metric
