Two take-offs and landings later and I feel unlike I’ve ever felt before. I’m going to try my absolute best to describe it in as much detail as I possibly can, but it all feels so indescribable that I don’t even know where to start. It wasn’t the place or the people, necessarily, or maybe it was all of it. Every single element in all of its entirety. A day walking in the rain, an afternoon nap on a rockpool in Honeymoon Bay, a lick of honey straight from the hive … maybe it was all of it. Have you ever felt nostalgia for the present? It was like that.
For the first recognisable time in my life, everything seems more like an opportunity rather than an effort. For days, not just hours, I have been in a constant state of consistent content where neutral is neither ecstasy or melancholy but somewhere mouth-wateringly close to the former. But it seems important to mention that this might be the stroke of luck that I have written about before. Happiness isn’t a decision, it’s not a choice and it’s not easy. I can’t even articulate how grateful I am for the light that has recently taken residence inside my heart. I feel incredibly serene lately, and it’s the freshest feeling I could hope for at the start of Spring.
My writing sounds rusty. I never dreamed I would one day be more profound when I speak than when I write! Though the familiar aliteration and hyper-verbose-ness is still very much present but for whatever flow these sentences are lacking, I hope you’ll forgive me and I also hope your days are filled with light and love and just the right amount of time spent in both solitude and society. I hope you have so many things to look forward to and somebody in your life who will make you a cup of tea sometimes and I hope you are able to love more than you would love to be loved.
L’amour de tout mon coeur, Afifa x
