# 25 || reality looks far now // but please don't go

For a real lack of anything proper to post, I have enclosed: 

I. A medley of songs that have touched me somewhere, sometime, somehow ( deeper than you ever dared ).

II. And, an excerpt from a storybook that I'm working on. 

" For the entirety life that I can remember in moderate detail, I have wondered, how much more am I than an echo of everything I have ever been exposed to? It is not a self-deprecating contemplation in the slightest, but when I brought it up with my mother she loosely labelled it some sort of existential crisis and told me to move right along. I would have liked to retort something along the lines of, Well, then my whole life seems to have been one colossal existential crisis! but I didn’t, for two reasons. i) I feel that would have somehow proved her point and further emphasised her conjecture that I am nothing more than an angst-ridden 20-something who doesn’t know the first thing about being a Grown-Up. ii) It’s not really in my nature to contest anything that my elders proclaim, unless it is unarguably far from the truth. 

I have noticed that we don’t often choose consciously the features that define ourselves as single characters, but if I were to tell you anything about myself, it would be that I am an incredibly nostalgic person. It is a sentiment so intense I think sometimes that nostalgia does not adequately describe this sensation that starts in my belly and travels up to my heart, before I feel like I’m going to be sick all over my shoes. 

This morning I am feeling that sensation with more enthusiasm than usual. Because I haven’t had one of these mornings in awhile. It is one of those mornings where you wake up and something clicks, like one moment you are who you were and the next moment you are who you are. You’re a completely different person! Well, maybe today I’m not completely different but something really did explode inside of me when I woke up and I feel different. Now I’m just waiting to see whether it is for the better or not.

III. A different dreamy note: I have been thinking of silver things lately - silver threads and silver kicks, silver boys, silver dreams and songs that make you feel silver. Silver secrets too -- for awhile now I've thought that being frank might be fitting but perhaps I am better off keeping my mouth wide shut. Silver sounds cool and easy and free, it really sounds like the lining of a cloud.