# 23 || "that place where you still remember dreaming"

Imagine if the frameworks of our figures sent emitted light like neon signs, fluorescent sunshine when you're happy and a flickering grey when you're sad. Imagine if every smile sent a spark into the sky, you laugh and you form fireworks. Imagine if every tear sent a tremor through the earth --- can you even imagine the significance of every single being in the world? For all their fears and feelings.

So I've been here/home-is-wherever-I'm-with-you for a month exactly today, and if anything, I feel a thousand times more scattered than I did when I touched down on the Tulla tarmac on that gorgeous day with all the sunshine I could have hoped for. Maybe shadowy would be the right word to describe this feeling, because there is one fragment of my existence feeling incredibly excited and inspired by path I'm paving for myself at the moment -- my own glitter-brick-road. 

"I'm afraid I can't explain myself, Sir," said Alice, "Because I'm not myself you see."


For the most part, I'm not really here. While I ache for change, I long for constant. And at the same time, I ponder this notion of balance that my mother has tried to instil in me since I was a little girl. For me, I think, balance comes through a cocktail of indulgence and abstinence. By no means am I an expert on anything existential, but I have made it a personal ambition to one day have the ability to appreciate and abandon what is necessary and what is not. Respectively. 

"My mum used to say to me, 'You can't have fun all the time,' and I used to say 'Why not?' Why the fuck can't I have fun all the time?" -- Kate Moss.


I'll tell you now that magic expires faster than sorrow so suck it up swiftly and savour, savour, savour. Be thankful, be thoughtful and eat cake !

( - it works for me - )