( listen, if you like )
I.
Two worlds collide when the sky turns white and I exhale smoke with or without a cigarette between my fingers. When the weather can't decide between l'été or l'hiver, it falls into l'automne and the leaves look like a sunrise, je l'adore. But I would be lying if I said the last few weeks haven't been unsettling, you know when your heart coaxes you into so many different headspaces, until you feel like you're about to p0p?!
At the bottom of everything, we are only fragile minds in a - somewhat - rugged shell. A thousand thoughts at once but you can only ever speak one idea at a time, and on this occasion often you don't even think about what it is you're uttering - take that notion and try to comprehend the world in its majesty and detail and make an effort to exercise some compassion and understanding.
II.
Have you ever felt limitless? Like your happiness and sadness have no boundaries and you could keep flying and falling forever and ever and ever? It's hard to illustrate the word in the depth that it distresses me. Limitless is insatiable, it's wolfish, it's uncontrollable and you're forever starving for something that doesn't even exist. Limitless thieves all acclaim, it stomps over the magic and your heart turns to rubber - everything reflects with little impression. Logic fails the limitless, it bewilders a person to everything necessitating gratitude and gives you itchy feet and cabin fever and an achy breaky heart.
III.
"Darling, you seem restless."
Oui chérie, can you see my hands that won't stay still? Everything needs to be simulated so it is as daydreamlike as possible, or else. Or else things like missing the train and being late for work and feeling sad in the morning or the nighttime or the afternoon won't be as romantic if I don't feel like I'm somewhere else all the time. It's mania in its most dreary form, but what is anything without nostalgia, imagination and a little curiosity? What is the present when I need plans prospect to calm me down?
It's when you seek normality like other people seek thrills. Take a step back and see that your life is a foreign film to at least one of the 7 billion souls walking the earth au même temps que vous. Once upon a time when I didn't feel inexhaustible, I was late to class ( POLS2100 Genocide - Post 1945 ) and feeling both breathless and unprepared, skimmed a passage by Annie Dillard that would later change everything about the way I wanted to live.
"There are 1,198,500,000 people alive now in China. To get a feel for what that means, simply take yourself - in all your singularity, importance, complexity, and love - and multiply it by 1,198,500,000. See? Nothing to it." -- Annie Dillard
Open your minds, open your hearts. I believe, avec tout mon cœur, that kindness will be what rescues me and then we'll live happily ever after.
x
