If I can remember the highs of this year, the takeoffs and landings, the reunions and the re-living of moments I didn't think I would ever have again. The wines and the wisdom, the cups of tea and the walks along the beach, falling asleep with my hands in his and the first kiss after midnight by the water in winter - maybe it offsets the self-deprecation that I didn't think I would ever feel again. The repetitive moments of despair and confusion and sadness and despondence, I have never felt as stupid as I do right now. Age doesn't seem to have brought upon any perception, only this superfluous ache in my bottom lung. How do I turn this around?
Hope exists in that this time next year will be strikingly different to this moment right here, right now. If I close my eyes, I can almost feel my fingertips rest on all that it is in my dreams, all that I think I deserve to wish for in this lifetime. If I strip it all down, it's more simple than I could ever imagine. Why do I always feel the need to over-complicate things?
The love exists in those that stayed, the light shines in the sun and the stars every day and the ocean under the clouds. Look at the sky (no, but really - look again!), that is for you.
Happy birthday Afifa-in-the-sky, you'll be okay.
Love always,
moi. X
