# 72 || “At the end of the day, it isn’t where I came from. Maybe home is somewhere I’m going and never have been before.”


décembre seems like the best time to reflect on the year that was and the year that is to come. i can’t quite put into words how at peace, yet unsettled i feel. if i’ve learned anything this year, it might be that patience is everything. deep breaths saved my life when curse words threatened to escape from the back of my throat and hot tears danced on the edge of my eyelashes, about to spill out and remind the world that i take everything too seriously, always. something i never want to forget is that holding on to yesterday’s ache doesn’t hurt anybody else but you. accept everything for what it is, forgive yourself even if you have made the same mistake a thousand times and move on, into a new world where you’re stronger and you know better.

it’s scary but i’m learning to trust time. it’s hard but i keep reminding myself that envy is ugly and i have the sky and the sea and love beyond measure to be thankful for. we are who we love, not who loves us back. loneliness, like lightning, can strike at anytime. perhaps we all pretend we’re immune to the potential despondency that plagues the reality of emotions. sometimes i feel like my sole purpose in life is to campaign for some kind of transparency with regard to sentiments and sensations because the truth is: we all get sad sometimes, but happiness is the ultimate prompt to forget about melancholia and its flair to penetrate beyond expression.    



"the year of letting go, of understanding loss. grace. of the word 'no' and also being able to say 'you are not kind'. the year of humanity/humility. when the whole world couldn't get out of bed. everyone i've met this year, says the same thing 'you are so easy to be around, how do you do that?'. the year i broke open and dug out all the rot with my own hands. the year i learnt small talk. and how to smile at strangers. the year i understood that i am my best when i reach out and ask 'do you want to be my friend?'. the year of sugar, everywhere. softness. sweetness. honey honey. the year of being alone, and learning how much i like it. the year of hugging people i don't know, because i want to know them. the year i made peace and love, right here." - warsan shire.