sweetheart, bitter heart : now i can't tell you apart ( parte deux (( ou trois? )) )   

Sometimes it feels like all the words of wisdom I've ever been told, won't ever stop swimming inside the infinite ocean that is my mind and the crazy imagination that accompanies it. With the most humble intentions, I am offered words of wisdom advising me how to react to the confusion that seems to constantly perplex my psyche. All I want is to learn and understand how I can be the best possible human being I can be in this life, but it seems to be one hindrance after the other : physically, mentally and emotionally.

Lately this reality seems all too much to handle. The power and intensity of people and our unbounded potential is almost petrifying. Power and control lies in the desired outcome from everything and everybody involved. Take away any loss or gain from any situation and suddenly it has neutralised into something so raw and real, a thousandfold than it was before. Imagine if we indulged in everything we desired because, from the deepest place in our hearts, it was as organic as water flowing down a stream. There is no catch, no personal gain, no advantage. I want to eat a banana because it tastes like my childhood and will make me feel the perfect kind of nostalgic. Forget potassium and the fact that it's summer and bananas aren't a million dollars a milligram at the moment. Do everything for a thousand reasons that are just for you. 

If the only motivation I have at this moment is the curiosity of the things that are yet to come, of the future that hasn't happened and the magic that might mosey my way. If I consistently remind myself that the best is yet to come, then maybe that will incite the hope I need to wake up every morning. It's only Day 4 of this brand new year and I'm scared beyond measure.