# 38 || in a world you've grown / ( a world of my own )

          Chéré Lua,

In another moment, it seems, you can fall or fly How does physics come to play in the midst of the (e)motions of every day? To control that - and one's ego - would be such an admirable thing. I wonder, though, if it's nature or nurture or practice or patience. I used to believe that it would fall (or fly) into place with time and the wisdom that I thought accompanied age and maturity. Though lately I'm doubting whether the two are interrelated at all.

Perhaps. But I think self-control and the desire and intention to control one's whims and ego is necessary but at the same time, it's only half of the story. Maybe I just don't want it enough. But oh, if only you knew how badly I want to be a good person, one of the best. Then, isn't that ego aussi? How very fine is the line between self-improvement and self-importance?

Tell me a story about gravity and extremity and sincerity and every other kind of -tea. Does bravery last forever? Why are some things easier to articulate than others? And why, when you are actually able to string together a sentence that could say how it seems, that it's often said so silently that the notion could've been your imagination.

( above image by Emma )

What happens when you jump off a freight train of thought? Do you die for a moment before you're reincarnated? An upgrade, a newer model, the best version of yourself you've ever seen. Sometimes I want to stop-the-world, sometimes I want to get off . . .  ( but not forever, only for a minute while I try to put this puzzle together, while I try to make it fit, while I try to make sense of the scatter and sadness and lack of certainty, while listening to Retrograde on repeat. ) - "be the girl you love(d) / ignore everybody else / show me where you fit".

                                                                                         kisses, A.