# 24 || infinities stretch out from infinities within ( and i'm a part of everything )

Maybe the ability to remember every word of wisdom that you swore you'd never forget, would be a curse over a quality. It makes for a million more moments of enlightenment, along with a touch of shame and self-directed reproach. I believe the latter is just as important as the former, because you never want to lose sight of all the perspective you've spent so long living for. I wonder if courage, too, could ever be a constant, or if that too is another ingredient in the concoction for humility. Perhaps apprehension and timidity exists to keep us in balance, before pride and the wrong kind of self-assurance outweigh what used to matter most.

They say humiliation is essential in etching something to your memory forever, but I think the most important things are the hardest to hold on to. Everything for a reason -- I forget that, always, all the time. I remember now, too, for a moment, that love and all its details are completely and utterly open to interpretation. And words are whatever you want them to be. When arranged side by side in a zillion different ways, they can mean everything and nothing.   

So, this is my neverending stroll on the path towards something superstarry.  I'll be a ghost, I'll be a dreamgirl, I'll be a child, I'll be a lazy Friday or a manic Sunday. You too can be whatever you would like, but do luxuriate in the fact that you have that choice to be ______x______ today and ______o______ tomorrow but don't indulge in the thought you have an eternity to transform your reality. Take fairysteps if you like, but be(gin) posthaste.

 

( some super blurry polas from today's adventure at Hanging Rock, taken by my friend Andrew -- more to come!)

x

# 23 || "that place where you still remember dreaming"

~

 

Imagine if the frameworks of our figures sent emitted light like neon signs, fluorescent sunshine when you're happy and a flickering grey when you're sad. Imagine if every smile sent a spark into the sky, you laugh and you form fireworks. Imagine if every tear sent a tremor through the earth --- can you even imagine the significance of every single being in the world? For all their fears and feelings.
 

 

~~

So I've been here/home-is-wherever-I'm-with-you for a month exactly today, and if anything, I feel a thousand times more scattered than I did when I touched down on the Tulla tarmac on that gorgeous day with all the sunshine I could have hoped for. Maybe shadowy would be the right word to describe this feeling, because there is one fragment of my existence feeling incredibly excited and inspired by path I'm paving for myself at the moment -- my own glitter-brick-road. 

"I'm afraid I can't explain myself, Sir," said Alice, "Because I'm not myself you see."

~~~

 

For the most part, I'm not really here. While I ache for change, I long for constant. And at the same time, I ponder this notion of balance that my mother has tried to instil in me since I was a little girl. For me, I think, balance comes through a cocktail of indulgence and abstinence. By no means am I an expert on anything existential, but I have made it a personal ambition to one day have the ability to appreciate and abandon what is necessary and what is not. Respectively. 

"My mum used to say to me, 'You can't have fun all the time,' and I used to say 'Why not?' Why the fuck can't I have fun all the time?" -- Kate Moss.

~~~~

I'll tell you now that magic expires faster than sorrow so suck it up swiftly and savour, savour, savour. Be thankful, be thoughtful and eat cake !

( - it works for me - )

x  

# 22 || LA MER A L'ENVERS / the sea upside down

  Matilda by alt-J

Tell me when you see a stranger smile to themselves, that your heart doesn't catch on fire for a moment. Tell me when somebody doesn't write back for no reason at all, that your heart doesn't shatter into a million little pieces for a minute or more. Significance can be over or underestimated, but oh I urge you to seek a happy medium (emphasis on the happy !) and keep it in your heart for as long as you can, you won't regret it, I swear. When all turns to shambles I take that Johnny Flynn breath and zoom out until I'm in the sky and can see that everything is happening as it must. You're a fairytale character in a foreign film and that space you think you're taking up is all yours to play with. At ease, soldier - you're in the right place at the right time, always.

Feed the magic moment and let it grow until you burst -- an explosion of glitter and dust.




fyi:
( you is you,
and you is me
and you is anyone
who needs an
open heart &
an empathetic ear )


-- while I write to remember and I write to repress, I also write to rewind and for yestermoment's version of myself to remind me that it's a gift to be alive. Even though sometimes it feels like a cross to carry, (but only sometimes).

"Just like Johnny Flynn said,
the breath I've taken and
the one I must to go on."  
-- ∆

x